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Am I the only one that feels lost? I feel so lost in so many ways... One minute I think that I know what I want and the next, it's like I'm staring at an empty platter. And I DON'T LIKE IT.

Church doesn't feel like home anymore.
Home is not too bad, just empty half the time.
Work is a place to bury myself. (Granted I love my job)

I sit here thinking of all the things I would love to do... And then I wonder if that's really what I want or what I'm settling for.

Is it the idea of getting married that fancies me so? Or is it really the tying of the knot that fancies me? I know not the answer, but I sure do like thinking of getting married. Some of my friends are married at 19 or 20, others have waited till later and are about 22/23 when married. Me? I don't know, sometimes I think I'll be single all my life...and just won't get married. It's amazing how one day a guy will want to talk about getting married, then it is almost like he gets cold feet and backs out of even talking about it! I am not saying I want to get married in the next year...but come on! Let me at least start to plan. I wasn't the little girl who had her dream wedding planned and knew what I wanted at 10. I was too busy being a tomboy to care anything about that. Heck, I won't get married before 2009, mom's orders, but really I don't have the time to plan the wedding I want...and I need more time to save than 6 months (for a wedding in '08).

I don't know, that has been something that I have been thinking about.

It has been forever since I updated this, but I haven't really felt like I have had a lot to say. I had been going to a psychologist and had my therapy sessions weekly, so I did all my venting there. It's been a crazy last year with me, between health problems and mental problems... *sigh* Oh well, I'm still breathing.

And another vent:
Don't get off the phone with me SUPER quick just because someone was there. If you need to get off the phone, at least be sweet about it.

I hope that everyone's still doing all right...sorry I seemed to drop off the face of the earth....



Mar. 19th, 2007 12:49 am (UTC)
To me marriage isnt a big thing, yeah I'd eventually like too but I'm not worried about it too much, a lot of my friends are married or soon to be too but don't put to much thought into it. You really shouldn't have too if the bond between two people are solid. No body can have the wedding of their dreams either unless well you loaded but a wedding isnt about fancy frills, caters, expensive food. It's about the love of two people, who's hearts are joined as one. Anyways don't sweat it to much, it'll happen when it happens and I hope when it does, you'll be truly happy =^_^=.

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