Log in

No account? Create an account

Short update.

So it's been a while since I updated this... Here's the gist...

-Bought a house in March.
-Had a beautiful baby boy on May 16, 2008.
-Went back to work after maternity leave in July.
-Bought a 2008 Xterra in July after Maxima started crapping out.
-Getting married in September.
-Landon has an appointment with a cardiologist for a heart murmur in September.
-Landon has surgery in December.


Countdown to Ethan/Lilli, since we're not sure if we're having a boy or girl yet. :)


Am I the only one that feels lost? I feel so lost in so many ways... One minute I think that I know what I want and the next, it's like I'm staring at an empty platter. And I DON'T LIKE IT.

Church doesn't feel like home anymore.
Home is not too bad, just empty half the time.
Work is a place to bury myself. (Granted I love my job)

I sit here thinking of all the things I would love to do... And then I wonder if that's really what I want or what I'm settling for.

Is it the idea of getting married that fancies me so? Or is it really the tying of the knot that fancies me? I know not the answer, but I sure do like thinking of getting married. Some of my friends are married at 19 or 20, others have waited till later and are about 22/23 when married. Me? I don't know, sometimes I think I'll be single all my life...and just won't get married. It's amazing how one day a guy will want to talk about getting married, then it is almost like he gets cold feet and backs out of even talking about it! I am not saying I want to get married in the next year...but come on! Let me at least start to plan. I wasn't the little girl who had her dream wedding planned and knew what I wanted at 10. I was too busy being a tomboy to care anything about that. Heck, I won't get married before 2009, mom's orders, but really I don't have the time to plan the wedding I want...and I need more time to save than 6 months (for a wedding in '08).

I don't know, that has been something that I have been thinking about.

It has been forever since I updated this, but I haven't really felt like I have had a lot to say. I had been going to a psychologist and had my therapy sessions weekly, so I did all my venting there. It's been a crazy last year with me, between health problems and mental problems... *sigh* Oh well, I'm still breathing.

And another vent:
Don't get off the phone with me SUPER quick just because someone was there. If you need to get off the phone, at least be sweet about it.

I hope that everyone's still doing all right...sorry I seemed to drop off the face of the earth....


New job

So I got a new job at BlueCross BlueShield of TN. And let's just say. I think I'm going to like it once I'm out of 3 weeks of training. It's 12 weeks of training crammed into three. Isn't that nice?? Yes, it is. I'm working out at Eastgate, which I'm sure it could be worse, but man, I don't like driving out there. It'd be so much easier to drive downtown. -sigh- Oh well. I'll deal. But I like my facilitator (person training us) and I like some of my fellow trainees. I work 8 AM to 4:45 PM. It's pretty awesome. I get my nights to myself again! Actually, I've been trying to cook each night. Scary, I know.

But anyways. That's been about it. George and I are headed to Knoxville Friday night and Saturday for a Z meet. Should be fun...they normally are. :) Can't wait to see Michelle, haven't seen her in so long.

I'm sleepy and need to go to bed. 5:30 comes early!

Time's flown by

Well, I haven't updated in forever. Quite sad actually.

I just feel really lost. Like I don't know who I am or what to do. I just really wish I could figure out my life and what is going on.

Quick update on basics:

-Summer '06: worked two jobs (nanny of twins and at Aeropostale), had relationship problems, went on vacation with Blaine (had a blast), Chris got married, went back to school, quit nanny job
-Fall '06: college, worked at Aeropostale, mom had surgery twice for spindle cell neoplasm, got Chihuahua named Boo, diagnosed with IBS and eating disorder
-Winter '06/'07: quitting Aeropostale, got job at Blue Cross, in therapy, diagnosed with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

Those are the basics.

Honestly, I'm on TV!

I got a free spray-on tan for WRCB Channel 3 news here in Chattanooga. The taping is airing tomorrow at 6 and 11! Check out their website where they show a clip of me (in a black bikini) in the booth. Check it out, tell me what you think!

Honestly, I'm petrified to see myself on TV. Haha. Especially in a bikini.


Website: http://www.wrcbtv.com/

Down again, as usual.

These last two weeks have been hell. I will not go into all the bad things that have happened lately in detail because I do not feel up to it. This is an entry to rant some of my upsetness...

I'm so lost, I don't know which end is up. I am jealous but not. Why do things get so darn complicated? I don't even know how I feel, is that possible? I feel so numb and upset but I don't know how to direct my feelings.

I've been there through thick and thin, but it never seems enough. I take second to a car. I take third when it comes to his car and friends. Though I've been there and tried to be patient for eight months who rides in the car first?

Why am I falling apart over someone? Why can't things be like they were before? I'm to the point I want nothing to do with anyone. No one. I want complete silence and solitude. It's beautiful outside yet I sit here crying. Why does everything that's once good in my life fall apart. There is no happy medium, just great or absolutely horrible. I really don't understand this. Why do I feel this way?
Wow, so yeah, I've been nuts lately.

Last Saturday, George was wakeboarding while a bunch of us were out on the boat and got injured. I didn't think it was as bad as it was... So I didn't cut him much slack. He fell going up the stairs on Sunday morning....and he felt something pop. We think it made it worse. George finally got a doctor's appointment to get x-rays taken on Tuesday morning, but my mom and I were afraid of him going to this doctor. Luckily, George went to another doctor (Dr. Apyan) after much drama with his receptionist. He is having surgery tomorrow... I feel much better about Dr. Apyan doing his surgery. :) He's nice, too! This will be taking up most of my time and I will be doing everything I can for him over the weekend. Please keep him in your prayers that the surgery goes well tomorrow. His fracture needs two pins and screws inserted in his ankle.

Also another need for prayers is my friend Blaine's family. She lost her grandmother today... Please keep her and the family in your prayers. It's a very sad time.

As for my stressful life, taking care of George has been keeping me busy as well as trying to keep up my grades. I have a test tomorrow in Biology that I'm not looking forward to. I also am not looking forward to the grade that I made on my lab final. *sigh* I have just been so stressed... I don't know which end is up at this point.

Sunday is my 19th birthday, but hey, I'll be trying to take care of George and what-not. I don't know what I'll be doing here....for the birthday. Oh well, not important, his recovery is top notch here. He's all bothered that he hasn't gotten a present for me. Silly boy, I'm not interested in a present... I don't even know what I want! My mom and grandma had asked what I wanted for my birthday and I couldn't tell them anything. I honestly didn't know. I don't really want anything. Maybe I'm just weird like that. Oh well.

My mom was having a jewelry show tonight. I wanted to stay and look, but I had to meet John with the girls. That's what happens with my job. Tomorrow, I'm going to try and meet Jenny with the girls after she gets off work...though still at the station so I could stay downtown and go see George when he gets out of surgery. He kind of got bent out of shape that I wouldn't be able to be there, but he understood. Bless his heart, he's in so much pain...and he's wanted to work on his car so much, too.

Blah, I'm so exhausted, but this isn't getting the studying done. Must get my butt in gear! More update later.


I know I don't update often. I've been really busy though. School's kickin' my butt.

But I do ask one thing...Please pray for my boyfriend, George. Saturday we were out on the lake and he hurt his ankle wakeboarding. This morning he went to the doctor and found out that it's broken (one bone is fractured away from the rest). He needs surgery to insert screws into his ankle. Please say prayers for him and his family. This is one time that he doesn't need anymore bills, especially medical bills. Thank you.

If I'm not around too much, it's probably because I'm trying to take care of him and get ready for tests and finals (which are next week). I'm done on May 1st, so I will be home after then and ready to take a long break (aka summer) off from school and just enjoy life again.

Have a great day!